I Can’t Open my Heart When I Can Only Feel Rage

Dear Corinne:

My partner and I have been having difficulties, power struggles. I swear she has changed since we got married a year ago. She just gets me going, and I have a hard time staying calm. We have had many discussions and nothing has changed.

I have told her that I need to be greeted, then left alone for ½ hour after I get home from a hard day at work. I just need to think and breathe without any demands. But she can’t leave me alone. Instead she starts making demands, then yells at me. The neighbors upstairs hear us yelling, it is embarrassing! It goes downwards from there. At times I just do not want to even come home. I wanted to have a happy home, we were hoping to have children one day. I can’t see that happening!

She says I need to be more emotional, open my heart. The emotions I feel are RAGE– I don’t want to open that up more.

Answer: Looks like no one is getting their needs met in this situation. What would it take for BOTH of you to have a win? Maybe a greeting at the door, a quick check in with each other. Maybe see where the cooking process or particular tasks are at? Check to see what is needed before you go settle into the quiet? Demanding to have your own needs of silence met.

You can read more about anger issues on my google sites website.